Band politics is a complex discourse. Balancing the creative desires of five different members may seem like a daunting prospect in itself, but it's nothing when compared with the veritable ticking time bomb of 216° of this carousel [that's 3/5, you idiot] entering a caption competition with a garment of many wonders up for grabs.
There were early mistakes.
Tom Anon naively thought that the narrator's contrived tone and thick scouse accent could be conveyed solely through the medium of CAPS. [OF COURSE, AS WE ALL WELL KNOW, USING CAPS ON THE INTERNET MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE A MENTALIST!!!!!] It doesn't help when your narrator is also a fish. Considering such a careless first move, you'd think it was a wonder this 72° [you're on your own this time] wasn't censored by the judges. But alas, through the absence of crazygirl exclamation marks and the presence of meaningful wit, the entry earned a whopping 4 'likes' - more than any other in the albeit weak field of competition.
Recognising that his entry was poor early on, another 72° attempted to bolster his campaign by insisting that, unlike the other entries, his was not 'contrived' - as if this would somehow make it more deserving of victory. Pah! I for one was not moved. "You made your bed and you can lie in it" was the predominant thought running through my head following the many times that point was made.
As for my entry, I deviated from the narrated form for an arguably more traditional statement of the conditions. I did my best given the bizarre picture and my propensity to bloat a sentence, but after many hours spent bent over a thesaurus, rearranging the plethora of fruity words and punctuation marks at my disposal, I ended up with a half polished [but incredibly firm] turd of a sentence.
Luckily the competition was weak. Notsoluckily, the organisers asked one of their dads to be the impartial judge. So no one won. The guy who won didn't even win. He lost as soon as he hit enter. I believe on the internet they call it a FAIL...
But really, he didn't even win. They sent him an email and he never got back to them. I can only assume he took the easy way out of a severe bout of FAIL-induced depression [epic lulz].
So the default winner was Owen. Apparently someone's Dad loves jazz, because it was a self-proclaimed uncontrived spontaneity which made Owen's entry the pick of the bunch. End of story?
Nu-uh. Questions were asked, certain parties weren't happy. A conversation with one of the competition organisers revealed that they favoured anon's capitalised entry over the official winner's. Given the fortunate default, the favourable opinion of the bigwigs and the addition of 4 'likes' [that's 20 comedy points, would you believe], Anon felt he had a genuine claim to victory. This was the real quiz.
But no, whilst the decision will remain controversial, even as it lives on in the annals of history, the judge has the final decision and that decision must be respected, whether he's obviously wrong or not. At least, that's what FIFA would say.